One Big Misunderstanding - Chapter 1 - RandomName001 (2024)

Chapter Text

Chapter 1

Stanley was walking around the streets of Vegas completely lost in his thoughts. He couldn’t get over the fact that he’s a married man as of now. Yesterday when he had fun with Marilyn and he was completely drunk the idea of marriage seemed like the best thing in the world for him, but this morning when the alcohol finally evaporated from his blood stream, he wasn’t so sure about it anymore. Sure he’s all over the moon when it comes to Marilyn, she seems like a woman perfect for him. She likes gambling, she can cheat smartly when she’s playing cards, she’s ignoring all possible rules, and the way she’s rolling deice is simply beautiful. The last two weeks he had spend with that amazing woman were probably the happiest of his life, he had insane amount of fun with her and he desperately needed some mindless fun after what Ford did to him more than a year ago, the wound is still there but the truth is that Stan doesn’t know anything about Marilyn at all since she never spoke anything specific about herself.

Honestly she even looks suspicious when you look at her… she’s hot but still, very suspicious. First of all she was covering her head with something 24/7, it was either a big hat, a bandeau or even a simple towel from their hotel room, she was also very often hiding her big umber eyes behind the sunglasses, her skin had a strange grayish color (or maybe it was just sickly pale) and she had a probably fake golden tooth in her mouths that in Stan’s opinion looked adorable.

Besides Marilyn was acting more like an alien than like an actual human being. When he asked her out for the first time and they went to explore Vegas together she was looking around at the buildings and streets as if she was never in any big city before. What’s even stranger when she saw a neon sign above one of the all night bars she asked him if it’s some kind of light magic spell, which Stan humored of course, thinking that she was simply joking.

The woman was also trying to cross the street when the light was red and the car was coming at her at full speed as if she didn’t know even the most basic road traffic regulations. When Stanley managed to stop Marilyn from killing herself, she seem to have no idea of what she did wrong. Then she was trying to start a conversation with a dog that was idling around the street and she seem to be surprised when it didn’t respond. Besides she was strangely interested in his car and she was constantly referring to it as a “moving vehicle”.

Stanley was considering it all charming on its own way. Marilyn was sometimes acting like a clueless alien, delighted by the world around her and she had a few strange quirks but it was making her even more sweet in Stan’s opinion… On the other hand thought, what if these weren’t just innocent quirks? What if Marilyn is actually f*cked up on the head and that’s why she’s acting so strangely?

The man stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and he gulped loudly. He knew he should worry about things like that last night before he signed the papers, but back then he was too drunk to care…

Maybe I’m overthinking it?” He muttered to himself. “I have a beautiful woman as a wife who is practically my soulmate, she is just a bit weird from time to time, so what? I’m sure we will work things out and even if we won’t, we can always get a divorce, right? What can possibly go wrong?”

Stan turned around, and he was about to return to the hotel room he was sharing with Marilyn for these last two weeks and have a serious conversation with her about the whole situation they are in now, but he managed to take just three steps ahead before some crazy driver rode up right on the sidewalk and Stanley barely managed to avoid the collision. The car missed him by just an inch and then it drove off at full speed.

The man was just standing there for a few seconds, completely paralyzed by shock, grabbing his heart and breathing heavily. Holly Moses, he almost had a heart attack. After a moment Stanley finally shook it off and he started to menace towards the fleeing car with his fist.

Watch what you’re doing you f*cking moron!” He roared in absolute anger, with his fist still clenched, but then he realized something and it caused his blood to freeze in his veins.

Wait, is this my car?” Stan asked himself with his eyes wide.

The car disappeared behind the corner, but right after that the man heard a sudden sound of the brakes being used and then a loud thud of the collision. Stan dashed towards that direction quickly, with his eyes full of worry and anger. It took him just a second to figure out that his car was stolen by some idiot, and that idiot probably crushed just now.

Stanley was terrified by the thought alone, he can’t lose the Stanleymobile, it was his only home for the last 12 years, he had all his (modest) possessions in there, and his winnings from the casino… and if the car will be crushed beyond repair, then Stan will become homeless on every possible aspect. He turned around the corner and he saw his El Diablo crushed against the street light. Thankfully, the damage was minimal, the bumper had a small indentation on the front, but it was something Stanley could deal with, with a help of some kind of cheap mechanic. It was a relief that his precious car is still in one piece but Stan got very angry. He approached the El Diablo and he decided that he’s gonna beat the sh*t out of the asshole who was trying to steal the only home he had. The man pulled the front door open, and his jaw dropped when he realized who is occupying the driver’s seat.

Heeeey, Harley my favorite human…” Marilyn waved at him awkwardly, with a big fake grin on her face. She still had her head completely covered by a towel but her glasses were gone, and Stan noticed a shadow of embarrassment in her big eyes. Something smelled fishy here.

Were you trying to actually steal my car?” He asked immediately with a big, angry frown. He was absurdly in love with this strange woman but he was not an absolute fool, he knew that Marilyn is a con artist like him and he quickly put two and two together. “Were you trying to ditch me and run away with my everything right after we got f*cking married?!”

The woman in front of him filched, she obviously knew she screw up big time.

Ummm… no…?” She said hesitantly, while innocently smiling at him with her expression totally fake. When she was still saying that, multiple credit cards fall from under the towel covering her head, and one of them belonged to Stan. He only had one big debt, no money at all and the name on it was fake but still, that credit card was his.

We’re stealing from people, huh?” He addressed Marilyn as if she was a child and he was about to scold her.

She pouted slightly in defeat, and then she send Stanley the most serious look he had ever seen from her.

Okay, you got me Harry.” She finally admitted. “I have to flee and I desperately need your moving vehicle at the moment. You haven’t realized yet but I’m in kind of a hot water now.” She slightly turned her gaze towards the street, and Stanley heard the police sirens in the distance, there was clearly more than one police car chasing after her. What the hell did she do?

I don’t know how to operate this demonic machine.” She said, slamming the dashboard of his car in frustration. “Help me escape from the human guards and I promise I’ll give you half of everything that I stole.”

The woman was waiting for his response in anticipation, and Stan started to debate with himself.

On one hand Stanley was outraged, this woman was obviously trying to steal his most impotent thing and leave him behind after literally marrying him. It was the most terrible kind of backstabbing he had ever seen, and he had seen a lot in the criminal world. Part of him wanted to hand Marilyn over to the police, see her in the handcuffs and make her pay for what she did but the other part knew better. Stan realized that if he would bring Marilyn to the police officer, the cops will be asking him many questions, and then they might realize who he is. They might realize that the man named Harley Pinewood doesn’t really exist and that all his documents are fake. That he’s a wanted man in at least 30 states at this point, that he committed many frauds and robberies and that he was even smuggling drugs 6 years ago when he was still working for Jorge. The man grimaced in uneasiness. No, he definitely can’t get caught by the cops and he also can’t lose his car. The police cars were getting closer and Marilyn was getting more and more nervous.

Come on, please.” She said to him, stressing the last word in annoyance. “I’m offering you a good deal. I can’t go to this land’s prison, I’ve got a lot of problems with my own authorities at home as it is.”

Stan raised his brows in confusion, he didn’t know that Marilyn is a foreigner, but it makes sense now when he thinks about it. That would explain why she is using such weird words to describe simple things and why she is acting so eccentric. Maybe she’s a European? Europeans are generally weird.

She seem to be so vulnerable at the moment, Stan was blocking her way out and the police was getting near, Marilyn was trapped, and Stanley finally took pity on her. It seems he’s just an in love fool after all.

Move!” He finally decided. “I’m gonna drive.”

She grinned widely at him, and she quickly jumped to the passenger seat, leaving his rightful place empty. Stanley got into the car, he slammed the door and he turned the keys to start the engine. To his relief it was still working just fine, so he pulled back the Stanleymobile away from the light street and he pushed the accelerator with all the might he had in his foot.

They were going through the street at full speed now, suppressing the speed limit at last threefold. Stan looked at the driving mirror, and he saw three police cars chasing after them and they were dangerously close, it seems Stan was hesitating for a bit too long with a decision to help Marilyn. Oh, well… they were in a hot water together now.

What did you do?” He asked his piteous wife, to try and think about something else then this ridiculous car chase.

Marilyn rolled her eyes in annoyance and she sighed. “I may or may not steal the plastic cards from all the hotel guests when they were asleep.” She confessed without any shade of shame in her voice, and Stan cannot help, but raise his brow.

Plastic cards? You mean credit cards?” Stanley asked just to be sure and the woman beside him shrugged.

Yeah, whatever the name is. You said they are valuable in the human world, so I decided to give it a shot.”

Stan suddenly turned towards the small narrow alley in an attempt to lose their tail. The tires trilled loudly and annoyingly, the man cannot help but grit his teeth and growl. Why was he doing it again? It wasn’t his crime this time.

Bullsh*t!” He exclaimed, a bit angry now. “You couldn’t possibly steal from everyone in the hotel, that would require some amazing lock picking skills.

Oh Harley, my dear human…” She send him a sly smile. “I have my ways to open anything I want.” Marilyn told him, and to his surprise the locker in his car opened when she made a slight gesture with her index finger. She haven’t even touched anything, and… is her fingertip sparkling? Okay, that’s some eerie stuff right here, and Stan is not gonna ask about it, at last not now.

You know honey? If you wanted my credit card with a 2000$ debt, and with a fake name on it, you could’ve just asked and I would’ve gladly give it to you. There was no reason for you to rob me.” Stan was trying to make a joke, but it seems that Marilyn didn’t even understand what he meant, she was simply staring at him with clueless expression… a freaking sweet alien.

Listen man, it’s nothing personal, I even like you.” She said. “You’re definitely the coolest human I’ve been dating but we’re quite literally from two different worlds, so it’s not gonna work out.”

Stan gritted his teeth. “But of course… All my relationships are resulting in an utter disaster sooner or later.” The man thought to himself grimly. “I figured getting married while being completely drunk was a bad idea.”

He focused his whole attention back on his way, they took a few more sharp corners, knocking over a trash can on their way, and soon they were on the main road. Unfortunately the cops were still coming after them. Actually there was one more police car behind them… great.

Wait, Marilyn…” The more Stan was thinking about the entire situation from last night the less sense it was making to him. “If you really think that we’re not gonna work out, then why the hell did you say yes? And why did you signed the papers? I mean, I was drunk but you? You weren’t.”

The woman beside him just blinked a few times in a genuine confusion. “What do you mean? Wasn’t that part of the game?”

What game?”

You asked me to do something together with you, so I said yes. You were so enthusiastic last night that I didn’t want to ruin your fun.”

When Stan heard that he was so shocked that he almost crushed into another car, he avoided the collision in the last second by some miracle. She can’t be serious right now, she simply can’t be.

Marriage isn’t for fun, woman!” He shouted at her in pure rage. “It is super serious, we are legally married by this state’s law!” The man roared to outshout the sound of the police sirens, it was getting really unbearable to hear it all the time.

Marilyn frowned slightly. “Is it something bad or…?” She asked with no trace of any mockery in her voice and it was unnerving for Stanley. It seems that his so called wife really is f*cked up in the head.

On which planet are you living on?! I’m seriously starting to think that you are some kind of an alien.” Stan could feel his blood boiling and not only because they were chased by the cops, the whole situation was too insane for him. “We are bonded to each other for the rest of our lives unless we fill up the divorce papers, which is quite impossible to do at the moment.” He adjusted the driving mirror and yes, the police was still out there. He pushed the accelerator again even thought it was impossible for them to go any faster. Stanley only hoped that his gas will not run low any time soon. “It’s gonna be a lot of work to nullify our marriage, we’re gonna need a lawyer and a lot of money to pay him for his job.”

He send Marilyn a quick glance, and it looked like she finally understood how f*cked they were in the situation like that. She sighed heavily and she fall back on the backrest of the passenger seat, it was obvious that the gears in her head are spinning.

Is marriage like a lifelong-lasting partnership?” She asked with her expression gravely serious and Stanley nodded.

Exactly.” He said. “You can put it this way.”

His dumb, accidental wife was silent for a long while. “Well, sh*t…” She muttered. “I’ve had no idea that humans are signing papers to bound forever.”

There it is again, Marilyn is referring to humans as if she isn’t one of them. She’s either a genuine Martian or she is completely crazy, Stanley wasn’t sure which option is worse at this point.

The woman beside him slapped her both cheeks, probably to pull herself together after understanding that ‘revelation’, and she took a deep breath.

Okay Eda, you f*cked up.” She thought to herself. “You f*cked up badly this time, you got yourself into a lifelong relationship without a second thought and with who? A human, one of the most fragile beings in existence.”

True to be told she likes Harley more than she wants to admit. He is kind of like a male version of Eda herself, he is a great cheater, he’s greedy for money like her, and he definitely knows how to have fun. It was great dating him for these last two weeks, he is a bit weird as for a human but also surprisingly gentle. Yet Eda was not planning to do any bounding oath with him or anyone else for that matter. The bounding oath meant that the two partners were responsible for each other for the rest of their lives, and Eda hated responsibilities, besides her curse is too dangerous and she decided ages ago that she won’t get into any serious relationship. She just doesn’t want to hurt anyone ever again...

She breathed in and out one more time and she decided that she has to do something about this whole mess they are in. Eda is seriously bounded with a man because she signed a piece of paper (humans had a strange way of doing these things) Well, she was planning to leave the man behind at first but the lifelong oath is a serious matter, so she can’t ditch him. The bounding oath is a matter of honor, and despite all her crimes and low life situation Eda still has some honor in her. She’s responsible for Harley from now on, which means she has to protect him, and everyone knows how incredibly fragile humans are.

The woman opened the window of the car, she lean out as far as she possibly could and it alarmed Stan.

What are you doing?!” He yelled. “Don’t do that, get back inside!” Marilyn was acting more and more crazy and it wasn’t helping.

There was a flash of light coming from her fingers and then a big orb of fire went towards the police cars and it exploded, damaging two cars chasing after them and effectively stopping the cops.

Stanley gasped for air in astonishment and he got pale on the face. Was Marilyn keeping real bombs in her purse or what? Holly sh*t…

Try to go faster Harry, it’s gonna hold them back for a while.” Eda exclaimed, getting back into the car.

Stan immediately pushed the accelerator, not really able to shake off his shock. What kind of a devilish woman did he marry last night if she is holding bombs on her?

They were on the straight way to leave Vegas now, they saw the informing sign.

The sound of the sirens caught up to them soon though, and again there were two police cars coming after them. They were restlessly chasing them for another mile.

Eda groaned in frustration. “They seem to be very persistent as for humans.” She said frowning deeply, and thinking about their next course of action, it was getting less and less funny.

They are cops, what can you do?” Stan pointed out just to say something. He was already mentally preparing for going to jail. If even the bombs didn’t stop these guys, then what will?

There was a tense silence between them for a minute or so, and then Marylyn said something that resulted in Stan’s hair standing on its end.

We have to drive to the desert and go down the canyon.” She told him calmly and seriously.

What?!” Stanley roared in astonishment mixed with fear, it was a confirmation that the woman truly is insane. “Are you really that desperate?! I don’t want to go back to prison either, but I still prefer it over killing myself by driving right into the canyon!”

We will not die.” Marilyn said firmly, crossing her arms on the chest. “I’ve got a plan, you have to trust me Harley.”

The man growled under his breath in annoyance. “After what you did today, I have no any reason to trust you!” He exclaimed.

Marilyn hit the dashboard in her frustration. “Uhhhh! Stubborn human, give me the steer!” She demanded, while trying to get to the driving wheel.

What? Never, you’re not killing us woman!” Stanley protested, desperately trying to hold his grip on the wheel.

She was doing everything to get the wheel and they really got off the road. The car was chaotically turning left and right and ultimately getting closer to the edge of the cliff with every passing second. At some point Marilyn, in her fight to take a hold of the situation had bitten Stanley’s hand.

Stan hissed and he lost his grasp for a moment, which his fatal companion used to slightly turn the driving wheel right, pointing the car towards the direction of the abyss. Before Stan managed to do anything, she stamped on his foot with her high heel and it caused them to speed up.

CRAZY BITCH!” Stan exclaimed in hopelessness when he realized what is about to happen.

It was too late to stop it, they are both heading to the precipice of the canyon, and Marilyn is just smirking in triumph. They are about to fall to their deaths and she is happy?

Stanley mentally cursed himself for falling in love with that strange woman. From all his stupid decisions and screw ups this one is the worst cause it is impossible for him to fix it, he’s about to die! He should realize much sooner that Marilyn is completely crazy, there was a lot of red flags he ignored but he was blinded by her charm and beauty. Now it was too late to change anything. They were falling into the bottom of the canyon together and the time seem to slow down. Marilyn lean out of the car window again, but this time Stan was not going to stop her. What was the point? They are going to die either way, if she wants to jump off the window to meet her end sooner it’s her own business.

Stanley closed his eyes tightly, trying not to think about the bloody mash he’s about to become. His entire life was one big disaster and his death will be pathetic too… It was apparently his fate to always make the stupidest decisions, and then pay grave consequences.

The man suddenly felt that something weird is happening to the car, it was as if it was caught by something on the way, like a net or something of that sort but… they are falling now, so what the hell? He opened his one eye, and he noticed that they went through… a big floating door? Next thing Stan knew his car bumped slightly and they were back on the ground! They were back on the ground and Marilyn was laughing in euphoria.

Yeah baby! Exactly as I planned!” She exclaimed, while leaving the car and making some silly victory dance on the open field.

They were on the open field of an orange grass, what the actual f*ck?!

Behold, another great escape of Eda the Owl Lady!” The crazy woman exclaimed, while finally taking the towel off her head.

Stanley was still sitting inside of his car, breathing heavily and holding his chest.

Abraham, Jacob and Moses…” He whispered to himself. “My entire life just flashed before my eyes, and it wasn’t pretty.”

He finally decided to leave his car but when Stanley stood up and took a step forward, his legs wobbled and he fall flat on his face. The ground was hard but he didn’t care anymore, it was solid so it was probably real. The man was laying on the ground for quite a long while. He wasn’t in the mood to do anything at the moment but soon his fatal wife approached him, and when he set his eyes on her, she grinned.

Hey, cheer up Harry, I saved us just as I told you I would.” She winked at the man playfully.

Stanley opened his mouths in awe, now when she doesn’t have that towel covering her head, he immediately noticed her big pointy ears. It looks like Marilyn is not a human after all.

One Big Misunderstanding - Chapter 1 - RandomName001 (2024)


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